10:30 Monday evening, May 9, 2005...I was 19, and due in 10 days, I can't sleep because I have cramps, they come and go, I start timing them, hardly believing that its actually happening...not even sure what is in store for me in the next 24 hours. Not wanting to wake anyone up I continue to time contractions, I think they are contractions, and eventually fall asleep, up again and again throughout the night, completely exhausted by 6 am, when I finally get up to bring my babies dad to work. After walking around a bit and getting dressed, we decide that its better for my mom to drive. On the way back we happen to be stopped at a red light right next to my best friend and invite her over for breakfast. After some tea and a sandwich I go to the doctors office, of course there is over an hour wait, so we go back home. At around 10:30 we head back, I'm 3-4cm dilated, so I'm told to head straight to the hospital. Well we head back home, back my bag that wasn't packed ahead of time, goof around for about an hour, take a few pictures and head to the hospital. Now my memories of the hospital are a little vague, so here's what I remember to the best of my knowledge.
After arriving at the hospital I get put into some sexy lingerie, and put in a bed, where most of the time was spent, I am hooked up to a few machines, and my belly strapped down by a monitor. While this is all going on I have contractions, apparently I sound like a dying goat, yeah that's hot! Well after some time I get Demerol, which as far as I'm concerned only contorts my thumbs in such a why I look like I have a disability. Lets add to that the laughing gas, at first its addicting, breathing in as much as I can, making honking noises much to the amusement of those around me, but soon its more work to suck in the air and I hit away the mask, gasping for air. The doctor places the mask back on, and I swat it off again, we do this for a while. Until its time to push.
Now to those who haven't been through labor, imagine the worst menstrual cramps ever times 10, and it comes in waves, starting at the top hardening the belly as the waves rolls down, the pressure down feels like your carrying bricks and your pelvis doesn't feel strong enough to hold it in any longer. You feel the urge to push, its urge you can't resist, like trying to breath while pinching your nose closed, no matter how much you try to relax and control it, you push, holding your breath, and tuning everything else out. The nurses try different positions, a birthing stool, and eventually I end up back on the bed. Mostly I remember my best friend, at this point she has been trapped by the doctor and nurses, patting my forehead with a cold cloth saying "oh michaelly, oh michaelly" Again I don't remember all the details, but after a few more pushes, the last being both satisfying and excruciatingly painful, his head is out, well the rest is barely a feat after that. Its 4:51, Monday, May 10, 2005. And after months of feeling full, movement, and never feeling alone, you feel empty. Almost instantly you don't feel any contractions, its so peaceful and serine.
I look on as they check out my baby boy, my first look at him is somewhat at a distance, hes under the heat lamp and pretty quiet. I'm getting stitched up. They wrap him up and bring him over, I get to hold him...I'm a mom. Examining his little face, his wide nose, big lips, and checking to see if he has all his fingers and toes...I made this prefect little person...my little man.